11 reasons why i’m loving being a single mom

I absolutely hate the situation that I’m in but there’s not much I can do about it. My husband acted like a child and ran off because the only other option meant that he would’ve had to commit to hard work, which he seems to be allergic to. Even his father knew he could never commit to anything long term – I wish that had sunk in for me years ago when he told me what his dad had said…but, shoulda, coulda, woulda.

So, all I can do is make the best of the situation that I’m in.

Get ready for a really long sentence…

There are days that are really tough, more like exhausting, being a single mom to three little mini-me’s. My biggest struggles include getting my own stuff done including work and drink my coffee before it gets cold, when I have to spend 20 minutes convincing them to get out of bed, drive them to hockey six days a week and karate two days a week, listen to the little redhead throw temper tantrums when I won’t let her crawl back into the womb when I’m trying to make dinner for four people and make lunches at the same time and won’t hold her, convincing my oldest that he should actually try to get his homework done on his own without copying it from his friends on the bus, return calls to the school clinic because my oldest (fill in the blank because they see him on a weekly basis for something this year and they already know how dramatic he is), calm my youngest son’s temper when something has really frustrated him, fold and put away everyone’s clothes, change sheets on everyone’s bed, pay bills, clean the house, listen to my kids friends tell me that I need to clean my car (whatever dude – maybe I do that on purpose to minimize how often I have more than my three in the car 🙂 jk), and then actually try to have a personal, adult life in the extra five minutes before I get some sleep…all on my own, without an ounce of care from my soon-to-be-ex as to what he’s done to me emotionally or financially. He’s never offered any help with anything…hasn’t even offered to mow my lawn or even bring the key back to me for our lawnmower. Glad he is happy because that’s what’s important, right?? Not doing the right thing…nope, I’ve learned that he’s incapable of doing that.

And yes, my boys father does have them a little less than half of the time, but those are the days that I am able to get the grocery shopping done and other errands that really are no fun to begin with, let alone add three kids to the trip.

BUT…

Even with all of that said, I’ve had some REALLY great moments in the past couple of months – things that have made my upcoming divorce tolerable. I’ve lived so much ‘life’ in the past four months and it’s all shown me just how much I really have to be thankful for.

So here are 11 reasons why I’m loving being a single mom:

1. I’ve been able to really appreciate how awesome my kids are because I have all of my attention focused just on my kids and not an overly dramatic grown child.

My oldest has really shown me how much he is able to step up to the plate. Tonight he even wrote out seven post it notes, that he stuck to his closet door, giving himself a checklist of things to do in the morning including “help mom with the little red-head.” And he told me that he didn’t want me to set any alarms, that he was going to wake up with his alarm and then wake me up after he got a few things done so that I can sleep longer. #luckymom

2. I’ve never laughed so hard at the kids making each other laugh. AND, I’ve realized how funny they really are. We have been able to quote movies together, be silly, joke together, and playfully tease each other all without hearing my soon-to-be-ex complain that he thought that they were being disrespectful to me and him.

3. I’ve accepted that there is no norm anymore so it’s allowed me to be more flexible with our free time. I’ve stopped planning ‘stuff’ to fill our free time together and allowed the kids to help guide the day based on compromise between everyone’s wishes not just the adults wants and needs.

4. I’ve learned how to appreciate the extra five minutes I have every day and just sit and relax…and not do anything. I even allowed myself to take a nap when my little girl did this past weekend and it was glorious! I make the most of every minute, almost every day, and it’s been nice to just relax and do nothing when I have a little bit of free time, without feeling guilty.

5. My friendships have really grown. I’ve learned to be more honest with how I’m really feeling. My life isn’t ‘picture perfect’ and friendships have grown deeper because they’ve felt more comfortable ‘laying it all out there’ because, as you’ve read, I haven’t shied away from ‘going deep’.

6. My house is tidy almost all of the time…for the first time in 3.5 years! It’s so nice to have empty countertops again every night when I go to bed! I no longer have to pick up after a sloppy, grown man-baby and I get to run the house like I want!

7. I’ve had to perfect my organizational skills and scheduling skills and I love these two types of tasks so I’ve really enjoyed this. I have no choice but to be on-point with my schedule and the kids so I’ve had fun using my calendar app and my dry-erase calendar board. (I know – lame – but I love it!)

8. I get to watch as much reality TV as I want when I have time. This is simply glorious and probably one of my favorite things.

9. I don’t have to get anyone’s ok on anything any longer. I get to choose the restaurant, I get to select the meals for the week, I decide what movie is rented…all me.

10. I’m not dependent on anyone’s schedule any longer (other than the kids, obviously). I don’t have to ok plans for the weekend anymore…I get to just say yes, without hearing someone whine that they only want to work on a Jeep that was a complete waste of money.

11. I have a feeling of peace and calm when I go to bed every night, in the middle of my bed. My days are far from perfect, but I have quickly learned that my happiness is all on me…if I want to laugh then I need to find a way to make myself laugh, if I want to complete a project then I have to get my behind in gear to do it…it’s all on me now and I’ve found the drive within me because I had no other choice. And I amaze myself each day…and I’m loving it.

Change isn’t easy for anyone, I don’t care who you are. It’s how you deal with it that makes all the difference in the world. If you are faced with the daunting world of divorce or single-parenthood, just take each minute as it comes. I wouldn’t even recommend taking on the day, in the beginning…focus on the minutes first then graduate to getting to lunch, then getting to dinner and before you know it, each day will be a joy and each week won’t be as tough as it used to be. If you have a rough day, guess what?? You get to start fresh the next day and try it again. And the kids will see your strength – I promise.

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my sweet angel

When I grow up, I want to be like my daughter.

She’s amazingly beautiful.

I know every mom says that about their children, but this girl, she’s just, as Jim Carrey said in one of his movies, B-E-A-UTIFUL. I love all of my kids and think that they are all special and unique and when I watched this little lady ‘reading’ her books I felt the need to pick up my laptop and try to put into words what lessons she’s taught me and how she’s made my world a better place.

The one phrase that I’ve used over and over, her entire life, to describe her is that my little redhead has personality oozing out of her entire body. She’s always been a little butterball and when she bounces into a room you can just feel the energy shift. She brings life. She brings excitement. She brings silliness. She brings smiles. She brings energy. She brings bossiness. She brings power. She brings uninhibited love. She’s one of a kind. When she shows up, everyone knows that she is there.

Her smile stretches across her face and when she smiles, she smiles with her entire body. Literally, she ‘Chris-Farley’s’ it and now she knows how cute she is when she does it so she smiles like this all of the stinking time. Picture this, every time that she wants to work a room:

She can make my day brighter just by being in the same room as me.

She defines strong-willed.

Sometimes it’s a softly-spoken strong will and other times it’s a loud and boisterous, “I’m going to make sure that all of Target knows that I’m mad at you mom” strong will. But either way, she can command a room.

She taps on the cold, hard tiled floor and the boys sit. She yells and screams and the boys give her what she’s pointing to. She says their name 25 times in a row until she gets what she wants, and they don’t complain. Her cousin even ‘bows down’ when she bugs him enough to hold her hand in the car (even though he’s perfected his eye-roll when he ‘obeys’). That’s power. And she’s not shy about expecting it. One day, when she’s a teenager, I probably won’t find it as cute as I do now, but until then, I want to learn from her and be like her.

I want to bounce into a room with pure happiness and joyfulness and expect those around me to join me in my pursuit of laughter and fun. I want to not care what anyone else thinks of me. I want to enjoy a good Chris Farley smile and not care how fat it makes my face look. I want to live life as care free as my little lady.

The only thing that I am thankful for from my soon-to-be-ex is that I now have a bundle of joy that keeps me on my toes. God entrusted me with this little fireball, I think, to learn from and to remind me to keep my ‘spark’ alive so that I can keep hers alive. It’s really helped me to focus on tough moments in a different way.

Fake it ’till you make it.

I don’t ever want to see her down or sad so why in heaven’s name would I set the example for her. It’s not always easy to be as happy as she is but I make firm decisions to put a smile on my face because if I don’t, it will affect her and the boys. So as many times as her father calls and texts and tries to affect my life in a negative way, I just look at her and try to mimic her smile and carefree disposition.

Her giggle is infectious so when I need to laugh because life is getting heavy, I turn to her, try to make her laugh, which forces me to smile and then I laugh harder when she giggles.

I’m so lucky and thankful that God has given me three amazing kids, one being the #cutestlittleredhead. I encourage you to find the best thing about someone you love and mimic it, back to them. Share with them the joy that they give to you. Life’s more fun when you’re smiling!